One of the biggest issues in dating can be religious differences. Today people are more likely than ever to date outside of their religion, and it can certainly present some obstacles. Keep in mind the following tips to help smooth the waters.
Define your own religious views first
It’s important when dating to know your own religious views. This may sound silly, but many people simply go to a church or synagogue or another house of worship and never truly define their personal faith. For instance, just because you are raised Baptist does not necessarily mean you most identify with that particular denomination, or even Christianity.
This isn’t a call to rethink your faith, but to define it clearly for yourself. How important is it to you? What importance do you place on attending religious services weekly? More than once a week? Is prayer a daily obligation or something you only turn to in times of need? Again, it may sound silly, but for some people they simply don’t know. From the basics, you can move on to more advanced issues of morality and church obedience.
Know what you want in a spiritual partner
It is one thing to know what color eyes you want in a mate, but what about their spiritual beliefs? Does it matter if they are the same faith as you? If they’re Christian, can they be another denomination within Christianity? How important are specific issues of faith versus others? Again, defining your own views first will make it easier for you to know what is and what isn’t a deal breaker.
Be upfront when meeting someone new
This applies to online dating and meeting in person. If that person absolutely must be Catholic for you to have a happy relationship, then by all means let them know. No one wants to enter a relationship under false pretenses, and religious convictions are one of those things that don’t easily change. If you have defined what it is you are and also what it is you are looking for, then there should be no problem in being upfront.
Do keep in mind that many people do not hold hard and fast lines with religious beliefs. For example, many Christians move openly among different denominations not giving much thought to the name on the door. Let the other person tell you their beliefs instead of reflex responding negatively to their initial answer.
Determine your willingness to wager on conversion
You should never date someone with the sole purpose of trying to convert them to your faith. However, if you meet someone great and think they might eventually convert, or you to their faith, then you have a whole other issue to debate for yourself. Are you, or are they, willing to wait it out and see where it goes?
Keep in mind; this can lead to one of the harshest kinds of breakups. Leaving or being left due to a lack of conversion, when everything else is fine, is one of the most heart crushing ways to end a relationship. It will almost certainly lead to bitterness for one member of the couple. It’s a wager, but many individuals make it.
Decide if separate faiths are a possibility
While it is hardly recommended to people of faith, many couples manage to survive with different faiths in the same relationship. Usually these are small differences, such as one half going to a Baptist church and one going to a Methodist church. However, some couples keep entirely separate faiths.
Do keep in mind, that while this can work to some extent, it presents huge problems if one hopes to have children. At that point the couple usually must decide between one faith or another to raise the children. Again, it can be done, but it is far from ideal.
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